#1 Chemo

So the second part of our journey begins. I say ‘our’ as it is truly effecting every single member of my family.

24th Feb I had a Picc line inserted into my left arm. To be honest I was dreading it, I thought of pain, anxiety and generally didn’t want to go there. But actually the nurses were so reassuring and it wasn’t as bad as first thought. They give you a little injection to numb the area and then move on with the procedure, a quick X-ray to see if it’s in place and done!

25th Feb was my fist chemo treatment. Most of you know I wanted to try the cold cap, it makes me feel sick just writing about it now as I was so determined to use it but just couldn’t. My whole morning was soaked up thinking about how successful I would be using a scalp cooler and I really got my hopes up. I’m not going to descriptively mention how I felt as I truly do not want to put anybody off using the cooler, let’s just say it wasn’t for me. So yes I will be loosing my hair 😦

When the nurses started administering the first lot of chemo I expected to feel different. Like turn bright pink or something, maybe feel a bit sick? Maybe feel hot? I don’t know, but something. I didn’t. I felt totally normal. The only immediate side effect I had was the last chemo drug going through made my sinuses feel a bit blocked for a few minutes, but the nurses warned me about this before hand.

I finished the chemo and headed off to the car, after quite a walk I realized I left my phone on the unit, so back I go, luckily it’s still there. Then overnight I left my phone in full view of the car by the gear stick, this is not like me at all, hubby reckons chemo brain is setting in? Surely not within the hour?

So, the next couple of days I wait around to feel ill, I feel normal except I have this nagging feeling of like a jet lag type symptom or when you do night shifts and your on your last one and only have a few hours sleep in the morning because you want to sleep that night. I’m not tired, just feel a bit lagged. I’ve taken all the anti sickness and steroids (oh how they make you eat!) and touch wood so far I have only had a bit of nausea but nothing gut wrenching. Very very mild.

So I am now day 11 at time of writing. I have a really tough week. Day 4-7 was the worst for me, I was admitted to hospital as they thought I had a blood clot around pic line, luckily it wasn’t and just generally feeling completely bazoobooled (is that even a word?) with the chemo side effects. I would say day 8-9 I started feeling better, but then of course your neutropenic and so I didn’t want to go out in the crowds and potentially pick up an infection. I’ve had cabin fever bad. Then there’s Freddie, he’s had a really heavy cold, so he slept at my parents/sisters house for 3 nights, but to him it was like a fun sleepover every time so I didn’t feel too guilty, but it was tough going. My blog title really comes into fruition now. I am truly a woman interupted. Actually not just a woman, a mummy and a wife. It sucks it really does suck.

usually (and feedback suggests) I am a very positive, upbeat person, but this week really swiped me off my feet. I have never been jealous of people, more so that if someone does well for themselves or have become really lucky I am so thrilled for them, I never feel bitterness towards them or wishing I had what they have, But this week for the first time In my life I have felt jealous, silly things like women walking past my lounge window pushing their babies in their buggies. I mean I don’t know what their lives entail or if they are having it rough, but to me for a split second they looked like me last year, just carrying on with their everyday lives. Raising their children and getting on with life. I felt jealous that it wasn’t me anymore and wished I could be them. Horrible horrible feeling. Not nice at all. I keep thinking to myself that by June this will all be done with. Yes I will be broken and bald but it’s done with.

So it’s Mother’s Day today. I’ve had a wonderful day and been spoilt as usual by my kids and John. Most would like breakfast in bed and a roast dinner cooked for them, but for me it was the opposite. I’ve felt so well today that I got up and cooked scrambled eggs on toast and then went onto cook a roast lamb. It’s the simple things in life and today was one of them days as I managed it without a fuss and it felt good!

Next chemo is in 10 days, hopefully I will ping out a post in between times. Something a bit more upbeat!

Michelle X

8 thoughts on “#1 Chemo”

  1. Hey lady your allowed to feel all those feelings and your human we all know deep down your feeling shite and that the chemo is going to make you feel utterly horrible and as for the cold cap at least you gave it ago my lovely there are many people who may not have tried at all your doing brilliantly if that’s the right word to use. .. you will bounce back stronger then ever … keep up the good work and keep the cakes coming 😍😘😘😘 lots of love kim

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  2. Told you before your a strong old bird and you know it’s normal to have all those feelings right….and if you need a slap round the face a few times ,you know where I am xxx

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  3. You are doing so well Michelle, you are going to have wobbly days so embrace them. Err one thing it’s not chemi brain…….its those pesky steroids Hun, they get you to eat…..stop sleep but hey a couple of hours is fine isn’t it? Lol, I made lists (never made a list in my life before) but at 2am it seemed a great idea!!!
    So cold cap wasn’t for you, so know embrace the chance you have to try new styles and colours with wigs. But keep up the good fight Hun x

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  4. Hi Michelle sorry to hear about about you having cancer . Very brave lady . Only seems like yestaday we were young and care free at the wreck lol good old days . Keep strong x

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