My Spiritual self

A few family members have commented that I have become very spiritual since my diagnosis. The truth is I have always been very spiritual since a little girl, but never really expressed my feelings or shown others my interests, because it was just my little hobby. Once the kids came along I didn’t really have much time to continue my hobby and explore different aspects of spiritualism and healing and working full time and being a mummy was tough. The only time I had off was annual leave and if we wasn’t going away on holiday I used to spend it when the children were on holiday from school, so my day would be jam packed of kids activities. No time to get the tarot cards out.

So I just wanted to explain a bit about my spiritual journey. Some people reading this may be completely shocked and didn’t know that side existed in my life, others will know me very well and appreciate the passion I have exploring this fascinating world and realise it has always been a part of me.

I remember as a very young child, probably around 7 or 8. I watched a film or a TV show that showed people moving objects with their minds. This absolutely fascinated me and I remember sitting at my desk in my bedroom trying to move a coin on the desk with my mind. I remember focusing on door handles and trying to make them move or paper stacks. But actually nothing ever happened. Yet it still got my attention. I also remember as a child watching a programme called ‘strange but true’ I used to really look forward to this, it never scared me, but In my young teenage years ‘most haunted’ was around and this did scare me. Not at the time watching it, but once I went to bed I would overthink about ghosts – thinking they were in my room about to jump out!

All of these things as a child grabbed my attention. I would be the child that would buy a dream catcher at the car boot sale, I would have journals at the side of my bed, eagerly awaiting the previous nights dreams to be documented then interpreted. I owned about 4 dream dictionaries at the age of 10. Everything I believed happened for a reason, including dreams. I still remember 2 very prominent dreams I had as a child, they stillI alter some of the ways I do things today. One very strange thing occurred as a child, Me and my sister shared bedrooms and one night we had exactly the same nightmare about our mum, the storyline and everything was the same. Now, you may think as children our imaginations were running wild and one could copy the other, but we still very much remember this and it’s quite scary looking back the detail we both remember about that particular dream.

Moving into my teenage years I found a little passion for astrology. I was probably around 12 at the time, I would buy books and magazines and spend my weekends soaking up as much information as possible. The World Wide Web didn’t really come into context in our house until I was about 14, so books were my major source of information.

The Astrology side of things kind  of faded out, at the age of 13 you kind of grow a new interest and that’s boys! I spent the next few years just being a teenager, partying and having a good time. I still kept a dream diary though.

When I was around 16 I started earning a proper wage. I would work in the school/college holidays at a local factory and money coming in was pretty good for a 16 year old, I purchased my first ever crystal. A rose Quartz. I still have this same crystal on my side in my bedroom. I clean it every few months under cold running water and give it an energy charge when I remember under a full moon (just sat on the windowsill) I also purchased my first set of tarot cards and these are the set that I have today. Some people suggest wrapping your tarot cards in silk, but mine are in the same box I purchased them in, this is how I like it.

I met my husband John when I was 18. We were friends for a year before we starting dating. As my friend, he was a bit of a Guinea pig for tarot card readings. He still thinks even to this day that it’s a whole lot of tosh. He doesn’t believe it in at all. To be honest the tarot side of things I haven’t pursued. It’s just a bit of fun, however they are still sat in my lounge taking pride of place on my bookcase. This blog has given me the urge to get them out once again and learn the trade properly.

At 17, when at college doing beauty therapy, I signed up for a crystal healing course. It was an evening run course and because I was under 19 I got to enrol for free. I stayed for around 4 weeks and left. The students were all very much 40+ and a young 17 year old like me, just didn’t fit in. Don’t get me wrong I tend to get on with most people, but I just didn’t click in this group. Im really gutted I left. I would love to be able to understand more of crystals and their healing properties. I’ve since gone onto purchase an amethyst and a clear Quartz, both beautiful chunks of crystals.

So my story moves on into a more dramatic, mediumship kind of interest. Unfortunately I am not a medium. I would absolutely love to be , but just can’t engage with spirit. Not that I have ever tried in a development sense, but just haven’t got ‘the gift’ as most mediums talk about.

My older brother Mike died when I was 21. It was a very sudden death and as you can imagine for my parents and younger brother and sister, it was a horrendous time. The first year of his death was extraordinary for me and my spiritual interest. I found I was having dreams with Mike in that were so real. I felt very close to him and felt these dreams were a huge comfort. I could feel him near me and could smell him occasionally. I knew he must be around, so I visited my first Clairvoyant. To be honest around 60% (a rough guess) of mediums I have seen have been rubbish. I’ve payed between £15-£40 to see someone, usually lasting an hour. It became a bit of an obsession in the first three years that he died. It was like I was seeking someone to talk to him for me and give me all the answers on a plate. Clearly that’s never going to happen, but what did happen was I met the most incredible medium, who has the most precious gift. Her name was Louise and she was around my age. She lived locally and didn’t charge the earth. Even to this day she doesn’t work as a medium, she’s just concentrating on raising her young family. Her reading meant so much to me and after this encounter I felt like I wasn’t chasing something that wasn’t there anymore. I now pay to see mediums as I enjoy seeing them work, it fascinates me how they work, what they say and do. Some are still on the weaker edge I must admit, actually that’s unfair of me to say that, because I am just comparing every time to louise. Some are more gifted than others, but I have definetly seen some ‘mediums’ play on people’s emotions and give over information that is on such a wide wave length that it could be taken in any context. When your grieving that’s what you do, you fit the information given as your so desperate to hear from your loved ones.

Ive also attended some group seances and explored haunted houses. These are very much up my street and is something I plan to do a lot of with my best buddy Donna. We both love the thrill and the unknown of what’s about to happen.

ive also been very lucky to have been invited along to a Student demonstration for them to practice on me, it was just after I had my son Freddie, so around 5ish years ago. The host wanted someone in particularly that had lost a loved one to a trauma. I’m not sure if this is because deaths with trauma involved have a stronger spirit presence or not, or if it was just an area they were covering, but I went along. I sat on my own, the Students were sat around me in a semi circle, there were probably around 15 students. They would focus in and out of meditation and try and pick up spirit around me. They were actually very good. One particular guy stood out for me, he said “for some reason I can’t pick up spirit, but I am laying in a bed with equipment on my face and you are looking over me.” He said he couldn’t feel his body and felt paralysed, but could see me looking over him, at the time I was working in Accident and Emergency as a nurse and told him this. He felt really shaken as he realised it was a hospital bed he was in and the equipment on his face was life support. It clearly shook him up as he believed it was a premenition of something that was about to happen. Luckily for him and me I have never nursed him in the years gone by, but clearly it was a scary moment for him!

So moving forward into my late twenties and to now, I have embraced all the little interests I’ve had since a young girl. I’ve got a bit of time on my hands when I’m feeling well as not back to work until the Autumn. I would like to take this opportunity to explore more about crystal healing, learn about my chakras and balancing my energy and possibly attend a spiritual development course to see if I have anything there. I would love to hear your stories…….

much love,

Michelle xx


2 thoughts on “My Spiritual self”

  1. Hi Michelle,

    My name is Erica and I never ever write comments on posts but I feel guided to do it today… Since I was a child I felt attracted to spirits, ghosts, other realms, horror movies, etc; though they scared me at the same time. I remember my mom telling me stories of her encounters with spirits when she was a child and my auties too. But that was something I liked to hear about but prayed everytime that won’t ever happen to me.

    Sadly I have lost friends and family members too and I’ve always dreamt with them after they died and I believe they used me as a messenger to let me know they are okey in the other side, that’s how I like to see this encounters though as I feel I’m open to this kind of connection.

    When I was 28, my home-country was in a very bad situation, and still is, and I decided to try luck in the land down under, the place I so proudly call home now. Once I’ve heard that “you must have done something really good in your past lives to have the priviledge to live in Ozland”, and I believe so too… This place has a pure, beautiful energy and I can feel it everywhere I go.

    I felt a bit selfish when I left my family in that chaos, so I had the need to help them and send them energy somehow, so a year ago I heard the word “Reiki” and that thing rang a bell in my veins, so started to learn all about it, enrolled in a course, got the attunements and my certificates. As the time went by I started meditating on my chakras, call upon angels and connect with the universe every night and I developed a certain kind of “gift”, as I opened my 3rd eye chakra. I started to hear, feel, and see angels, and their sings.

    I got scared at first, but little by little I’ve learnt how to protect myself and I’m starting to trust more and more on my intuition and visions. Last month I went on a healing retreat and was the best experience I’ve ever had.
    I learnt about pranic healing, EFT tapping, distant healing (important for me to send love and healing to my love ones), cycometry, crystal healing, past lives regressions, the power of intention and affirmations, and much more!

    At the age of 33, this has certainly been the journey of my life. A journey of self-discovery and self-healing. And even though I’m still learning, I feel blessed and never regreat the decision I’ve made of moving so far from home to finally meet myself and to meet my life purpose, which is helping people and being a channel for their won healing.

    Hope my story inspires you to keep working on your hobby!

    Lots of love and light


    1. Hi Erica,

      Thank you so much for commenting,these are the sorts of things I love to hear. I’ve recently had Reiki done on me and felt like I was drifting off in a different place and it felt like I had about5 pairs of warm hands on me a at the same time. I am definetly going to explore more of these healing gifts and hopefully in the next 5 years I can write my next chapter 🙂 x


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